Warning: Selfish Venting Session

 Oh Mother's Day...First off let me say (Disclaimer) that being a Mother is one of the HARDEST jobs out there and I have MAJOR respect to all parents doing their best to raise their kids up right. Mothers DESERVE a day of recognition and I am so glad they set aside a day for it. The Lord blessed me with the most amazing Mother and without her I am scared to think of where I'd be. I love you Mom <3

 So that being said,I have to make a cold hearted honest confession. I loathe Mother's Day. So here's the reason for my pity party....
 When I made the decision to bring home my nephew and raise him 7 years ago, I was told it was a temporary situation. It didn't take long before he and I built a close relationship and he started calling me Mom. It felt sooo good. The kisses,the I love yous,the home made gifts on Mother's day and walking into a room and hearing that sweet little voice yell "Hey Mom!". I especially loved Mother's Day as the years went by.
 Then one day,just before his birthday,his parents showed up and wanted him back. Gone. It hurt more than anything I have ever felt to this day.
 Weeks went by,I was busy getting divorced and trying to ignore my pain. It slowly got easier to live day to day and I tried to stay focused on my work and my new apartment. Then Mother's Day came. My first Mother's Day without being a Mom. It was horrible. I called my Mom and faked a smile and then I went to bed and cried all day. Then next year was a little easier but not much and so on and so on...and the years went by.
  It's been 4 years I think. I wish I could tell you it was easier..but it's not. Mother's Day always starts out good and then by the end of the day I just want to scream. I try to forget my selfish woes and  celebrate the wonderful Moms in my life. I tell myself it's not about me and to use that negative energy to do something positive on Mother's Day for someone else. I remind myself that I have 2 beautiful fur babies and a Stepson I love very much. I can still see and call David as much as I want. But...as the day goes by and I am still left feeling empty and resentful.
 Facebook is full of adorable tales of cute cards and breakfasts in bed etc. and by the time I was done scrolling my top lip was curled in a semi nauseous way and I am ashamed of myself for feeling that way...but I do. Yesterday Vern spoiled me with a few gifts I have been wanting for awhile and took me out for coffee and yard saling. Yet I am still bitter?! What is wrong with me?!
 Yet here I sit,at the last hour of Mother's Day,feeling this familiar bitterness that I have felt for too many years and for some reason I just cannot shake. I feel a little secretly offended when people wish me a Happy Mother's Day because I think most people say it to be polite or as a formality and should not be so presumptuous. On the other hand,it hurts when people don't say it ...because then that little bitter thought appears in my head "That's right,I'm not a Mom anymore...technically." Ugh *sigh*.
 There are only a few very dear friends that send me genuine Mother's Day wishes because they honestly understand .......... that even though I lost my son,I will never stop feeling like a Mother. Perhaps this year I made progress by venting my emotions? I want to like Mother's Day! I guess I will try again next year :)