From what I assume,my surgery will be tomorrow or the next day. Up until now I have been totally unfazed or stressed about it. From what I have been told it is no big deal. They put you out,the take out your gallbladder with a few small incisions and then they wake you up and send you home. Cool,I can handle that. BUT THEN..tonight I had the bright idea to research the surgery a bit. I figured it was the smart thing to do..you know,be educated on what was being removed from my body and how. BAD IDEA..Note to self: Surgery is one of the instances that you CAN know TOO much!
Allow me to be a bit dramatic for a minute..
Looks like best case scenario is the laproscopic surgery.To begin, I will get my first IV that will put me to sleep,then they will make 4 small incisions on my tummy to fit a small lighted tube.Next they fill my tummy with gas to make room for the procedure and then they drain and "flatten" my gallbladder and take it out through the small incision near my belly button. They release all the gas out of me and close me up,usually doesn't even require a stitch. Then the remaining gas takes a painful path up through your abdomen and into your right shoulder area. Whaaaat? Gas?IV? That kinda freaks me out...I can handle needles but..the kind they take out after a few minutes. Ech. Gas? Don't get me started. Just getting weirded out.
MY other option,if the first way isn't possible...is way worse. Due to the fact that my gallbladder is infected this option is highly likely. They will fillet me open like a fish!!!!! Like a 4-6 inch cut down my tummy!!! AND I have to stay in the hospital for a day or two AND the recovery time is A LOT longer,like weeks longer! No no no no noooo! I don't have enough time and insurance for all of this! ( Although I have to say, I am very thankful for the medical insurance I do have) This is too many firsts at once! I have been a big girl and survived my first 2 blood draws,x-rays and ultrasound in the last week....I really thought I was doing good!? I might not even know what surgery they will have done until I wake up...too weird!
One more embarrassing confession..I know I will want a cigarette as soon as my brain returns and I KNOW there is NO WAY that they are going to let me go have one. Not a good idea,they better have that icky IV delivering some very happy fluid at that moment. AND THEN..what if I get stuck in that hospital for DAYS?! My goodness,I might as well quit at that point. That would be for the best I know but right now..let's not go there. I have been forced to suddenly give up so many comforts/habits/foods lately....that I am feeling stubborn .Ugh..
I think I have exhausted my self with panic for now. What will be, will be right? It is out of my hands.Yet..in my old age I have learned that it is OK to be afraid sometimes and admit it. To admit you are feeling weak and insecure. I don't always have to have all the answers and pretend to be "OK". That in itself is helpful therapy. I don't like this,none of it. Minor surgery I know but...feeling very major to me. Dramatic? Maybe. Am I seriously going to let all these worries eat me alive? No. Can I handle this? Yes. Is there a small part of me that wants to cry and needs my Mommy? Totally. Somehow,something positive usually comes out of every situation and I have no doubt I will be able to make the best of this hurdle too.
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Perhaps if I end up with a huge scar I can eventually get it covered up with a new tattoo? Hmm,that wouldn't be so bad?! lol!
