Warning: Selfish Venting Session

 Oh Mother's Day...First off let me say (Disclaimer) that being a Mother is one of the HARDEST jobs out there and I have MAJOR respect to all parents doing their best to raise their kids up right. Mothers DESERVE a day of recognition and I am so glad they set aside a day for it. The Lord blessed me with the most amazing Mother and without her I am scared to think of where I'd be. I love you Mom <3

 So that being said,I have to make a cold hearted honest confession. I loathe Mother's Day. So here's the reason for my pity party....
 When I made the decision to bring home my nephew and raise him 7 years ago, I was told it was a temporary situation. It didn't take long before he and I built a close relationship and he started calling me Mom. It felt sooo good. The kisses,the I love yous,the home made gifts on Mother's day and walking into a room and hearing that sweet little voice yell "Hey Mom!". I especially loved Mother's Day as the years went by.
 Then one day,just before his birthday,his parents showed up and wanted him back. Gone. It hurt more than anything I have ever felt to this day.
 Weeks went by,I was busy getting divorced and trying to ignore my pain. It slowly got easier to live day to day and I tried to stay focused on my work and my new apartment. Then Mother's Day came. My first Mother's Day without being a Mom. It was horrible. I called my Mom and faked a smile and then I went to bed and cried all day. Then next year was a little easier but not much and so on and so on...and the years went by.
  It's been 4 years I think. I wish I could tell you it was easier..but it's not. Mother's Day always starts out good and then by the end of the day I just want to scream. I try to forget my selfish woes and  celebrate the wonderful Moms in my life. I tell myself it's not about me and to use that negative energy to do something positive on Mother's Day for someone else. I remind myself that I have 2 beautiful fur babies and a Stepson I love very much. I can still see and call David as much as I want. But...as the day goes by and I am still left feeling empty and resentful.
 Facebook is full of adorable tales of cute cards and breakfasts in bed etc. and by the time I was done scrolling my top lip was curled in a semi nauseous way and I am ashamed of myself for feeling that way...but I do. Yesterday Vern spoiled me with a few gifts I have been wanting for awhile and took me out for coffee and yard saling. Yet I am still bitter?! What is wrong with me?!
 Yet here I sit,at the last hour of Mother's Day,feeling this familiar bitterness that I have felt for too many years and for some reason I just cannot shake. I feel a little secretly offended when people wish me a Happy Mother's Day because I think most people say it to be polite or as a formality and should not be so presumptuous. On the other hand,it hurts when people don't say it ...because then that little bitter thought appears in my head "That's right,I'm not a Mom anymore...technically." Ugh *sigh*.
 There are only a few very dear friends that send me genuine Mother's Day wishes because they honestly understand .......... that even though I lost my son,I will never stop feeling like a Mother. Perhaps this year I made progress by venting my emotions? I want to like Mother's Day! I guess I will try again next year :)

Have You Heard?!

Have you heard of the the new trend? Couponing. Yes you read this right. Couponing. All of a sudden TLC makes a series about extreme couponers and the idea catches on like wild fire...myself included!? Wow,how friggin stupid are we?! Paying 40-60% more for our groceries than we need to while we throw free money into the recycling?! Sooo that's where I have been instead of blogging-coupon hunting,printing,cutting and organizing. THEN... reading store coupon policies and figuring out how to combine sales and coupons for the lowest possible price on the amount of that item I need. It requires 2 of my biggest weaknesses-math and organization. BUT....it also works with a few of my strengths-people skills and grocery shopping. I also have time and a fair budget (thanks to Vern and my tips) to my advantage. Tonight I went on my first coupon adventure. Everything I purchased I had budgeted and had a coupon for. I did 2 separate transactions at Walgreen's and 2 separate transactions at Safeway. I got $190 worth of grocery and house hold items for $100! I will spare you the long list but I stocked up on items I usually find expensive and/or have a long shelf life like batteries ( 4 8-packs BYGOfree=3.50 each)),peanut butter (12 at .99),seasonings (6 at .79 each),paper towels (3.99 for 8 pack),Dawn dish soap (6 at .99 each + .25 off manufacturers coupon),scotch tape (6 at .39 each) to name a few. I have displayed it all on the kitchen table for Vern to see when he wakes up because I know he is also anxious to see how I did. I saved almost 50% on items we use almost everyday and I have enough of some things (bleach,salt,tape,Ajax) that I will not have to buy them again for a year or more!

So this leads me to the other hot new concept I am learning...stockpiling a pantry with enough essential items to last your family 3-6 months. Crazy huh? ha ha Women have been doing this for decades yet my generation has to see it on a TV show before it'll click? Sadly I think it's true. Major kudos to those of you out there that have been couponing  and stockpiling all along! As for me I thought I was thrifty by stocking up during sales or at and discount stores...and I was...but using coupons at discount stores to build your stockpile is even better!

MY GOAL: To someday save 80% on a trip to the grocery store on a cart full of items. In the meantime, save 40-60% on groceries consistently and treat my couponing like a part time job (because so far it's paying like one ha ha). To have a stockpile of enough food and household items to last us 3-6 months so I can wait and restock them at the lowest prices,spend less on my monthly grocery bill and be prepared in case we were to fall upon hard times or are called to help others.
 (Of course I will be including some of what I learn on here too!)

I think I am finally tired after a late night shift at work and the rush of couponing that followed. I took the night off from couponing as a reward for my hard work as I am also planning a larger trip in a few weeks. I would be so grateful if I were really able to get this...so far it's a little hard on my usually somewhat lazy brain :) I will keep trying...

A Creamy Recipe Twist

The other day I put a creamy new twist on crock pot beef roast. I never know if the recipes I discover are already well know or if I found something new. So I share in hopes it inspires a yummy new meal in your house too!

I started in a large sauce pan and sauteed onions(dried) and garlic in a cube of butter. Then I added mixed veggies (dried mix that I LOVE and use all the time) and 1 cup of red wine (cheap,used only for cooking). I added a pinch of salt and pepper and added the roast.

I also sprinkled the roast with brown sugar as I was browning it on all sides to help it caramelize.

Once roast is brown and the liquids in the pan are starting to thicken..

remove the roast and put it in the crock pot on high.

Continue to cook liquids in pan until they start to turn thick and stick to the bottom of the pan. Slowly add 1/2 cup of water (or more) and stir,scraping up the yummy bits off the bottom of the pan to save every bit of the super condensed flavors. Pour over meat in crock pot and cook on high for 4-6 hours depending on size of your roast. Add potatoes and carrots etc for the last 2 hours.

FINALLY..

In the last hour add a can of cream of mushroom soup,1/2 can of milk and a half of a cube of cream cheese and let it melt while stirring occasionally.

When it is done you have roast,veggies and gravy! Vern said it tasted similar to Salisbury steak,we loved it! Actually we ate it two nights in a row!

;p

Is There Anything Cuter?

Look who's hair is finally long enough for pig tails! She is even getting more and more cooperative about getting her hair done :) We love you Maxi,you are the cutest daughter ever!

I Love Love

I could complain about my TV being filled with royal wedding coverage on every channel..
but I won't. It proves that the human race still has one worldwide similarity. We still believe in true love and the fantasy of a royal fairytale wedding. The story that has been told in languages all over the world, where the Prince and Princess ride off into the sunset and live happily ever after.

 Everyone secretly believes in true love whether they admit it or not,the several million people tuned into the royal wedding at 1am proved that :)

Friday Funnies

Hairytales

She sat in my chair,her face full of misery,her body hunched over,her eyes glazed over with restrained tears.
"How are you?" I asked with a look of concern.
"Not...(tears filling up her eyes)..good." is all she could manage to say.
"Do you need to talk..or do I need to drop it? I really don't wish to upset you but I'd like to help if I can..?" is all I could think to say as I scrambled to get her a tissue.
"Kinda...maybe in a minute.." her throat was choked up with emotions.
"OK,nice and short,your usual?" I asked in an attempt to lighten the mood a bit.
She nodded yes.
"Shampoo?" I offered. She doesn't usually get a shampoo but I had a feeling that today she need the extra pampering. She agreed.
I reclined her head back into the sink as she closed her eyes yet her jaw quivered as she was still fighting back the tears. I tried not to stare at her as I waited for the water to get warm. I turned it up juuust a little warmer than usual and gently started to wet her hair. A few seconds went by and her shoulders relaxed as she muttered...
"That feels so good."
"It's not too warm?"( it was much warmer than my usual)
"Oh no,it's good." she said so quiet I could barely hear her.
I ran the hot water over her head for a bit longer than usual and I watched her face begin to relax.
I filled my hands with shampoo and gave her a scalp massage,determined to work my magic and ease her extreme tension. It worked and then I finished with a long hot rinse.
We returned back to my chair and started her haircut in hopes she talk when she was ready. A few silent and awkward minutes later I just had to ask..
" Are you OK? Is it you? The kids?.." my mind was thinking this might be something seriously horrible!
"It's Joe." (her son and father of her 6 year old Grandson whom she is VERY close to)
 
She had just come from Joe's house. He had yelled at her for "coddling" her Grandson too much and accused her of "creating a spoiled brat". I could tell you the WHOLE story about her son etc but that would take hours. So I will sum it up by saying that I know her AND her son pretty well..and well...that was a really horrible thing to say. He is a single father with no job and has relied on his mother many times. Although Joe can be very difficult and moody she tolerates it for the sake of her grandson and the ability to spend time with him. She does not coddle him or spoil him too much but she's a GRANDMOTHER,that's what GRANDMAS do! Wow,Joe had really hurt her this time.
I have to admit that part of me was relieved. For the most part she was OK but I think we all know that a broken heart feels horrible. I reminded her of my foster son David (she was our neighbor at the time) and how I knew how it felt to love a child despite their parents irrational behavior. Extremely heart wrenching. It's a horrible thing to have in common but it gave her comfort to know I was honestly sympathetic.
  She talked,I cut  and before I knew it I was ringing her out. I looked across the front desk at her and I saw it once again...the reason I love my job.
A frown turned upside down.
A mad wrinkled face returned to it's happy smooth texture.
A head of hair one inch lighter and a bit of the load lifted off of  once slouched shoulders.

"Thank you...for everything." she said with an unexpected smile as she walked out the door.

 My days are filled with moments like this and I couldn't be more grateful. It took a long time for me to see that what I do really is important to people. Perhaps I was always assuming that my value was in the paycheck. Thankfully that is not necessarily true.(ha ha) Although I currently have an abundance of loyal clients,over the years I have watched many clients come and go.I have learned not to take it too personally as there is a salon on every corner and location and convenience often trump loyalty. On the other hand,I have so many loyal clients that have become dear friends and most of the new people I meet are friendly. Those are the amazing people that fill my days with so much joy.
  A shampoo and haircut isn't rocket science but it can be the opportunity to brighten someones day,offer a shoulder to cry on,be a 3rd party to vent to,be a friend to confide in or just the opportunity to clear away a hectic day. Even the grumpy ones usually cannot resist enjoying a salon shampoo,a friendly smile and a perky new haircut.
That's good enough for me :)

" Of all the bad things in life that I cannot fix or help, I can fix and help hair!"- Me,Myself and I