Hold On..I Need A Minute..

It's seems that all I have talked about is my gallbladder for the last 2 weeks. I am tired of the subject yet I know it will be a hot topic for a few more weeks. Bleh. Yet here I go again,needing to vent..

From what I assume,my surgery will be tomorrow or the next day. Up until now I have been totally unfazed or stressed about it. From what I have been told it is no big deal. They put you out,the take out your gallbladder with a few small incisions and then they wake you up and send you home. Cool,I can handle that. BUT THEN..tonight I had the bright idea to research the surgery a bit. I figured it was the smart thing to do..you know,be educated on what was being removed from my body and how. BAD IDEA..Note to self: Surgery is one of the instances that you CAN know TOO much!

Allow me to be a bit dramatic for a minute..
Looks like best case scenario is the laproscopic surgery.To begin, I will get my first IV that will put me to sleep,then they will make 4 small incisions on my tummy to fit a small lighted tube.Next they fill my tummy with gas to make room for the procedure and then they drain and "flatten" my gallbladder and take it out through the small incision near my belly button. They release all the gas out of me and close me up,usually doesn't even require a stitch. Then the remaining gas takes a painful path up through your abdomen and into your right shoulder area. Whaaaat? Gas?IV? That kinda freaks me out...I can handle needles but..the kind they take out after a few minutes. Ech. Gas? Don't get me started. Just getting weirded out.

MY other option,if the first way isn't possible...is way worse. Due to the fact that my gallbladder is infected this option is highly likely. They will fillet me open like a fish!!!!! Like a 4-6 inch cut down my tummy!!! AND I have to stay in the hospital for a day or two AND the recovery time is A LOT longer,like weeks longer!  No no no no noooo! I don't have enough time and insurance for all of this! ( Although I have to say, I am very thankful for the medical insurance I do have) This is too many firsts at once! I have been a big girl and survived my first 2 blood draws,x-rays and ultrasound in the last week....I really thought I was doing good!? I might not even know what surgery they will have done until I wake up...too weird!

 One more embarrassing confession..I know I will want a cigarette as soon as my brain returns and I KNOW there is NO WAY that they are going to let me go have one. Not a good idea,they better have that icky IV delivering some very happy fluid at that moment. AND THEN..what if I get stuck in that hospital for DAYS?! My goodness,I might as well quit at that point. That would be for the best I know but right now..let's not go there. I have been forced to suddenly give up so many comforts/habits/foods lately....that I am feeling stubborn .Ugh..

I think I have exhausted my self with panic for now. What will be, will be right? It is out of my hands.Yet..in my old age I have learned that it is OK to be afraid sometimes and admit it. To admit you are feeling weak and insecure. I don't always have to have all the answers and pretend to be "OK". That in itself is helpful therapy. I don't like this,none of it. Minor surgery I know but...feeling very major to me. Dramatic? Maybe. Am I seriously going to let all these worries eat me alive? No. Can I handle this? Yes. Is there a small part of me that wants to cry and needs my Mommy? Totally. Somehow,something positive usually comes out of every situation and I have no doubt I will be able to make the best of this hurdle too.
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 Perhaps if I end up with a huge scar I can eventually get it covered up with a new tattoo? Hmm,that wouldn't be so bad?! lol!

Just The 2 Of Us

I just had 5 whole days ALONE in this house with my man. It .Was. Wonderful. I'm still not sure exactly what the huge difference was ( because Del spends 95% of his time upstairs) but it was really really nice.The house work was done the first 2 days allowing us to relax and have some fun the other 3. I have come to accept that we will not be living alone for a long,long time but I still savor our time alone together playing house :)

Ultrasound Confirms- It's An Angry Galllbladder

The results are in folks...my galllbladder gots to go! It's angry,infected and full of stones. Surgery will be next week,maybe as soon as Monday. I was told to go immediately to the ER if I have any pain or nausea as they are afraid it'll rupture! I called my boss,I called my parents and now I am Blogging from my cell phone to give you all an update. I ask for your prayers as this is my first time ever for any of this. I have never broken a bone or had a stitch! I am not nervous as I have been reassured its minor surgery with minimal recovery time. I go to sleep and when I wake up it's all done. Wa. La. I hope it really is that simple! I will try to update the best I can. Please know I am in good hands as Vern is always an awesome nurse :)

1/2 Cup Of Drip

Every once in awhile life sends you reeling in a new direction. As for me it was a gallbladder attack. It really is too soon to tell how much change has permanently sunk in. As for now I am being a very good girl. I have said goodbye to my yummy,creamy white chocolate breves in the morning. No more espresso. I am very happy with my 1/2 cup of drip watered down with milk and a little creamer. In fact I don't usually drink more than half of it before I am running out the door to work. As for the rest of the day I am tracking my calories on an app on my phone. So far it's fun and easy to use,I have NEVER counted calories before. Plus it tells me all of my nutritional information for the day,it's shocking to see the nutritional value of the food you eat. I think I need a multi vitamin or something...I am eating to keep my gallbladder happy and hoping weight loss is an added bonus. At the end of the day when I log my final calories it says "If every day were like today you will weigh (this any) pounds in 5 weeks!" Hahaha! I love it,1,650 calories a day isn't brutal punishment after all..

With Vern's help the flowers and garden got planted. I am so thankful he loves gardening like I do! I give him full credit for the garden. He turned the soil,cut he weeds,added and mixed in the new dirt and then planted 6 zucchini,2 tomatoes and 3 peppers. Our tiny urban garden is done! Essentials only this year due to our unpredictable weather. The cucumbers will get planted later this week,I just hope the weather cooperates! As for me I have taken a new approach to gardening this year. I purchased my pricey must haves first like my Hydrangea,Lilacs and Clematis. So far my attempt at bulbs is successful. The Gladiolas have green leaf sprouts 2 feet tall! This weekend I added color and aromatherapy. Bright pink Million Bells in a pot with Chocolate Mint and Pineapple Sage hang above a small flower garden filled with various types of Basil,a Snapdragon,and few Columbine and a Gerber Daisy to name a few. Did you know there is Cinnamon Basil? I didn't,it smells WONDERFUL!My eclectic Cottage style garden is well on it's way...I just need to post some photos! I have to say..by the time we were done we sat in awe of what we had accomplished and created together. It looks like a park! Go Wonder Twins!ha ha

As for that dreaded bathroom clean I mentioned it my previous post-I did it. Me,gloves,a sponge and a spray bottle of Bleach water attacked every inch of it. It smells like a swimming pool. Happiness.

AND...tonight I started back on the coupons. They sure have piled up on me!Looks like my evenings will be busy cutting and sorting.(I am hoping that it also serves as a distraction from snacking.) Eating healthier isn't cheap so I am especially anxious to save money where I can these days.

Once again I re read my post and smile. Yes..life has it's way of working things out in good time. Barely one week later and all is well. No more pain and illness,no more messy house but most of all we DO have a happy healthy family :)

Beauty

 Windows and Reflections WIN 

I'm Getting Older In My Smart Age...

I think the best thing about being sick is feeling better. In the future I am going to try to remember to bask in that glorious moment as long as possible. Here's why. As soon as I started feeling better it was hard not to do a little light housework. Vern had been busting his behind trying to run this house,work AND unpack from our camping trip. Oh bless his heart..:) He did a great job! BUT..one man cannot keep up after Del and this house,it requires at least a 2 person team. So I did a few dishes,cleaned counters,folded laundry and it felt great to be able to be up and around. I had been in bed wayy to long! As time went by I finally started coming out of my Vicoden induced haze and it felt good to hold a conversation and come back to reality.The pain and pills had me out of my mind for 4 days.
 By that evening my eyes and brain were returning to full focus. It felt good just to sit at the table and eat a meal on our new deck with Vern. I had missed him so much even though he was right there the whole time taking care of me. This was the highlight of feeling better! In the future,this is the moment I am going to try to have to remember to savor a little bit longer.
Soon after the downside started to hit me...coming back to face all the things that have been stacked up while you were out can be enough to make you want to go back to bed!
2 dirty dogs that haven't been bathed or brushed for weeks,
A bathroom I was so sick in that I'd rather just torch and rebuild to erase the horrid memories (jk!),
piles of coupons that need cutting and organizing,
tons of clients rescheduled.....
 And a house that has suffered,
3 days of Del living there alone and cooking for himself,
a deck remodel,
2 dirty beach dogs,
and no woman's touch for almost 2 weeks.
THESE are the times when I tell myself...."Take it easy,don't do too much too soon." "Don't worry about the little things,sometimes a spotless house is overrated."  and for me that seems to help alot but I won't lie...it bugs me. As I continue in my Faith I have yet to master my skills as His servant. Serving Him,others and myself (in that order) isn't always as easy as it sounds :)

Attack Of The Gallbladder

I'm alive and feeling so thankful to be getting healthy! Guess who has an angry gallbladder? Lucky Me. It's a long,long story and it's not over yet but I at least wanted you all to know I am on the mend. I have faced the sudden reality that I can no longer eat fatty foods,red meat,cheese,coffee etc etc as much as I used to... if at all. I lost almost 15 pounds in 10 days and I assume that will continue but at a more reasonable and healthy rate. I see my new Dr. in a few days and I am hoping I have more success with her than I did with the Urgent Care Dr.. I will write more later and tell you more but for now I just wanted to check in :)