Silly Girl

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  

 Silly girl with your head in the clouds,

When will your feet touch the ground?

You're childish and living in fantasyland,

You may not be mentally sound;



Your world as you like to express it

Is anything but the mundane,

You'd think at your age you'd be worried

That others might think you're insane!



Since way back when you were a toddler,

Your outlook has been quite unique -

You thought you had magical powers

And sometimes you felt like a freak;



You always wore rose colored glasses

And everything seemed like a dream,

But as you grew older you realized

That everything's not as it seems;



The world isn't wrapped up in ribbons,

And love is not easy to find,

But that doesn't mean you can't fix it

Somewhere in the depths of you mind;



For still there's some magic within you,

With wonders as precious as pearl,

And sometimes it's sweet to get lost in

Your fantasyland, silly girl.



Table For Two

One of the things I really love about Vern is that he always manages to put a fun twist in our happy vanilla lifestyle. Today he got home early,surprised me at work and took me out to lunch. We RARELY go out to lunch because of our work schedules. We went to the local golf course.I have driven by it a few hundred times and circled the parking lot a time or two out of curiosity but never stopped.(I have never golfed,know nothing about golf and I am pretty sure I don't have the patience for anything more than a driving range.) So today,for the first time,we went for lunch.
There is something so special about living in the town where Vern grew up. His stories and memories are so much better than any guided tour. Growing up in a small town myself I can appreciate how precious "home" can be. The golf course was a special place for Vern.  The "restaurant" had a few scattered tables,some commercial looking grills and cooking equipment and a TV. The curtains were black with tiny pictures of golf balls,shoes,clubs etc. and some of the tables were covered in large think pieces of black faux leather.One elderly couple sat in the middle table...that was it. I smiled to myself,it felt familiar..just like Home. The food was decent but the conversation and time together was delicious!For Vern it was a trip down Memory Lane.The Golf course is where he made so many precious memories with his Father,spent long summer days with his best friend and played many rounds of golf. I feel lucky to be able to share in these memories while making new ones. We ate,we "overheard" bits of the day's gossip and watched all the people in silly plaid shorts pass by outside. I even had the crazy thought that I just might try golfing someday. Now I know,that if golfing isn't my thing I still know where to get a great hamburger,so it's worth the risk ;) 
We took the long way home. Up and down back roads only a local would know and avoiding the 60,000 people coming to a Christian festival at our Fairgrounds this weekend. ( I believe our usual population is somewhere around 15,000) Eventually we returned home and life shifted back into gear before we knew it. So tonight I mention it because I never want to take these moments for granted. I appreciate the spontaneity ,the conversation and most of all the company..at our table for two.

Lots Of Highlights..Without All The Foils

• My surgery was 3 weeks ago. My Doctor was unable to take out my gallbladder laproscopicly due to the severity of it's condition. He told me later is was one of the worst he had seen and on the verge on gang green! Scary! He was shocked I had not been more ill,I had only had a problem the last month or so that I knew of.Yet now that I know what I know, I realize I had been having symptoms for a LONG time.
• I have a long pink scar under my right ribcage,a small scar the right of that and a mangled belly button.All are healing nicely as I religiously apply Vitamin E. There goes my future as a bikini model! ha ha I have also contemplated saying I got the scar from a shark attack or while tackling an intruder in my home...something more exciting than explaining I had killed one of my organs with a high fat diet...
• The day before my surgery Vern's son Trevor moved in with us. Having ALL of our children under one roof makes our family feel so complete! Trevor has been extremely helpful during my recovery and it has been a joy to have him here while Vern works 7 days a week trying to compensate for my loss of income. I am so blessed to have such a great support system! I am trying my best to savor this special time with Trevor as he is almost 19 and we have been given this rare opportunity as a family...but the maternal side of me is building up walls. I know in time his Mother will return to take him back to her dis functional life and I will be left once again with an empty bedroom and expected to pack up my maternal feelings and "move on". I might not want a child of my own...but I love being a full time Mom to Trevor,Chipper and Maxine :)
• It has taken me almost 3 weeks to write this post.. I giggle to myself at times as the fuzzy memories return of my post operation time. I remember getting irritated with my first RN and kicking her out..ME?!! Bwahahaha! I had the.most.disgusting Jello. at the hospital and I was so traumatized I still get nauseous at the thought of it, Jello..really? I will blame it on the morphine. Vern showering me,drying me off and dressing me,he had to help me sit up and stand up as I had no use of any of my stomach muscles and he ran to the store 2 to 3 times a day trying to find foods that I could keep down. He is a Saint :)
• My gallbladder sure did choose great weather! I spent a few afternoons napping in the sun as I grew tired of the confines of my bedroom. My flower beds are timidly blooming but so far I have enough color to keep me happy.One of my favorites this year has been Pineapple Sage. It's growing like crazy,gotta love an anxious volunteer! It's leaves have a strong pineapple tropical scent,it is a nice surprise among the other "common" herbs. Our succulents are almost in full bloom but they truly deserve a post of their own with photos,they are THAT cool! The garden is slowly becoming a jungle as the zucchini are invading the tomatoes. Oh well, I am honestly still shocked that anything is growing despite our wet cold summer.
• Today I returned to work on light duty. It was awesome to see a few clients and get back to doing what I love. That Doctor really must know his stuff because after only 4 hours I was exhausted! I came home and took a 2 hour nap and I still feel wiped out. As my usual schedule goes,I have tomorrow off and I honestly feel like I need it ha ha! I guess 3 weeks on my rear really effected my stamina.

As I return to life in general, I am slowly returning to blogging too. Thanks again to all my friends and family that have been so loving and supportive during my recovery :)

Owch

I'm baaack! Oh the stories I have to tell..but for now I just wanted to check in and let you all know I am OK and slowly recovering. They ended up having to make a large incision in my tummy to get out my extremely angry gallbladder and  I spent one miserable night in the hospital. Doc even took photos of it once it was removed because it was one of the worst he had seen.I am so thankful that it is done and over! I am so blessed with an amazing boyfriend who waited on me hand and foot for 3 days as I lay here semi unconscious. The love and support from friends and family has been amazing,I sure am blessed :) I will write more later but for now I am taking it one day at a time.

Notables...

*More blood work today,seems like everybody wants some these days.This trip was to the new hospital here in town..eh I mean "Medical Resort" as I like to call it. The place is brand new and very fancy!This is also where I will have my surgery,it'll be like taking a long morning nap in a fancy hotel!

*The other big news of the week. Looks like we will be full time parents of an 18 year old boy! Trevor (Vern's son) is moving in with us next week. We are transforming the office into a bedroom and praying we will all make this transition smoothly. (While I have the week off to heal from surgery)

* Oh wait..one more announcement...Maxine has become a woman! Our poor baby is suffering through her first "heat" cycle. Being that she is my first female dog this took me by surprise! She is still so much a puppy I didn't realize this would happen so soon! :( Looks like I'm not the only one having surgery this summer.

*I have lost 2 pounds in a week the old fashioned way. Eating healthier. Keeping my gallbladder happy mostly and avoiding fat. So far it's working,2 pounds a week seems slow but I am told it's the healthier way of losing weight. I'm sure next week my "baby food" type diet will help keep me on track! ha ha

*Tomorrow I begin my pre-op preparations....again (long story)
   One more coat of toe nail polish so my toes are bright pink and fun to look at while I am in bed for a few days.
   One more day of work,the late shift.That should make waking up and being at the hospital at 7:30am the next morning delightful *smirk*
  A long hot shower tomorrow night to scrub and shave myself into a new woman and help me relax.
  Washing all my favorite snugly clothes and pajamas and plotting all the movies I want to catch up on during my recovery.
   Allowing my slightly nervous and OCD'd self to make a few more lists for Vern,who to call,what meds to remind me to take..bla bla. My list making can be a little neurotic at times but hey...I have never kicked myself for being overly prepared.
 
-Deep breath
-Big girl panties
-Let's get this over with!

And now...a little humor ;P


Things You Don't Want to Hear During Surgery


"Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy."
"Someone call the janitor - we're going to need a mop!"
"Bo Bo! Come back with that! Bad Dog!"
"Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?"
"Hand me that...uh...that uh...thingie."
"Oh no! I just lost my Rolex."
"Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before?"
"Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!"
"Could you stop that thing from beating? It's throwing off my concentration."
"What's this doing here?"
"That's cool! Now can you make his leg twitch?"
"I wish I hadn't forgotten my glasses."
"Well, folks, this will be an experiment for all of us."
"Sterile, shcmerile. The floor's clean, right?"
"What do you mean, he wasn't in for a sex change?"
"Anyone see where I left that scalpel?"
"Ok. Now take a picture from this angle. This is truly a freak of nature."
"This patient has already had some kids, right?"
"Don't worry. I think this is sharp enough."
"FIRE! FIRE! Everybody get out NOW!"
"Darn! Page 47 of the manual is missing!"




   

Hold On..I Need A Minute..

It's seems that all I have talked about is my gallbladder for the last 2 weeks. I am tired of the subject yet I know it will be a hot topic for a few more weeks. Bleh. Yet here I go again,needing to vent..

From what I assume,my surgery will be tomorrow or the next day. Up until now I have been totally unfazed or stressed about it. From what I have been told it is no big deal. They put you out,the take out your gallbladder with a few small incisions and then they wake you up and send you home. Cool,I can handle that. BUT THEN..tonight I had the bright idea to research the surgery a bit. I figured it was the smart thing to do..you know,be educated on what was being removed from my body and how. BAD IDEA..Note to self: Surgery is one of the instances that you CAN know TOO much!

Allow me to be a bit dramatic for a minute..
Looks like best case scenario is the laproscopic surgery.To begin, I will get my first IV that will put me to sleep,then they will make 4 small incisions on my tummy to fit a small lighted tube.Next they fill my tummy with gas to make room for the procedure and then they drain and "flatten" my gallbladder and take it out through the small incision near my belly button. They release all the gas out of me and close me up,usually doesn't even require a stitch. Then the remaining gas takes a painful path up through your abdomen and into your right shoulder area. Whaaaat? Gas?IV? That kinda freaks me out...I can handle needles but..the kind they take out after a few minutes. Ech. Gas? Don't get me started. Just getting weirded out.

MY other option,if the first way isn't possible...is way worse. Due to the fact that my gallbladder is infected this option is highly likely. They will fillet me open like a fish!!!!! Like a 4-6 inch cut down my tummy!!! AND I have to stay in the hospital for a day or two AND the recovery time is A LOT longer,like weeks longer!  No no no no noooo! I don't have enough time and insurance for all of this! ( Although I have to say, I am very thankful for the medical insurance I do have) This is too many firsts at once! I have been a big girl and survived my first 2 blood draws,x-rays and ultrasound in the last week....I really thought I was doing good!? I might not even know what surgery they will have done until I wake up...too weird!

 One more embarrassing confession..I know I will want a cigarette as soon as my brain returns and I KNOW there is NO WAY that they are going to let me go have one. Not a good idea,they better have that icky IV delivering some very happy fluid at that moment. AND THEN..what if I get stuck in that hospital for DAYS?! My goodness,I might as well quit at that point. That would be for the best I know but right now..let's not go there. I have been forced to suddenly give up so many comforts/habits/foods lately....that I am feeling stubborn .Ugh..

I think I have exhausted my self with panic for now. What will be, will be right? It is out of my hands.Yet..in my old age I have learned that it is OK to be afraid sometimes and admit it. To admit you are feeling weak and insecure. I don't always have to have all the answers and pretend to be "OK". That in itself is helpful therapy. I don't like this,none of it. Minor surgery I know but...feeling very major to me. Dramatic? Maybe. Am I seriously going to let all these worries eat me alive? No. Can I handle this? Yes. Is there a small part of me that wants to cry and needs my Mommy? Totally. Somehow,something positive usually comes out of every situation and I have no doubt I will be able to make the best of this hurdle too.
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 Perhaps if I end up with a huge scar I can eventually get it covered up with a new tattoo? Hmm,that wouldn't be so bad?! lol!

Just The 2 Of Us

I just had 5 whole days ALONE in this house with my man. It .Was. Wonderful. I'm still not sure exactly what the huge difference was ( because Del spends 95% of his time upstairs) but it was really really nice.The house work was done the first 2 days allowing us to relax and have some fun the other 3. I have come to accept that we will not be living alone for a long,long time but I still savor our time alone together playing house :)