Resolutions

Stumped trying to think of a New Year's Resolution this year?

 May I offer some helpful suggestions?

Start buying lottery tickets at a luckier store.

Remember to brush teeth with bristly end of toothbrush.

Don't eat medicine just because it looks like candy.

Learn what the hell "resolution" means.

Always replace the gas nozzle before driving away from the pump.  

I will try to drive closer to the speed limit.

I will keep an extra safe distance when driving behind police cars.

I will no longer waste my time relieving the past and instead I will spend it worrying about the future.

I will not bore my boss with the same excuse for taking leaves. I will think of some more excuses.

I will do less laundry and use more deodorant.  

I will try to figure out why I really need nine e-mail addresses.  

I resolve to work with neglected children -- my own.

I will spend less than one hour a day on the Internet. This, of course, will be hard to estimate since I'm not a clock watcher.

I will read the manual... just as soon as I can find it.

I will think of a password other than "password."

I will not tell the same story at every get together.

Read fewer books. A little learning is a dangerous thing. Too much of it can really wreck your head.

Watch more TV. It's very educational. Catch up on all those programs you missed down the years.

Just for today, I will not sit in my living room all day in my nightdress. Instead, I will move my computer into the bedroom.